Excerpt from 7 Keys to Connection
from Chapter 1 Roots of Addiction and Pain—Cultural and Personal Trauma
Shame as Effect of Developmental Trauma
With this lack of secure and loving attachment, a deep level of shame occurs. Not so much the left brain cognitive type, as in “I feel badly I did something wrong”, which is actually the experience of guilt. But rather a core shame reflecting a visceral feeling, usually unconscious, that says, “I am bad, defective, dirty, or unlovable.” And this often starts at infancy (and even in the womb) and goes on through childhood. (aka Developmental Trauma) The parents of these children often have no concept that their inability or unwillingness to take the time to connect and that many of their behaviors are shaming to their children. These parents are simply “dysregulated” themselves and hence unable to provide this all-important core sense of Self.